It has always boggled my mind why Black men aren't more appreciative and respectful to an entire gender, but especially to Black women who consistently overlook how unattractive many of them are. We have to talk about this. We have to talk about the Jay-Zs and P. Diddys of the entertainment industry. And, now, the Shannon Sharpes.
It's time to put that old, crippling adage to rest-- "It doesn't matter to me how a man looks, just as long as he treats me nice." Pay attention to the nouns and pronouns used in the quote. Not only have our daughters never taken the latter part of the statement seriously, but we don't indoctrinate this core policy in our sons' search for a mate.
In a society where social media showcases women referring to themselves as "Bad Bitches" and taking pictures from the back in hopes of catching the eye of some wealthy athlete or musician, no matter what he looks like, it has become a dark period in my gender's emotional, spiritual, and social journey when women care more about the physicality of their girlfriends they don't sleep with than they do about the men with whom they may potentially procreate.
Men know what they want in a partner and often seem to get it. They have a type at an early age and stick with it. My gender allows men to choose them--whatever kind of man wants them, that's who they'll spend their time with.
Ye, formerly known as Kanye West, is back in the news again for alleging he had a sexual relationship with his male cousin as a teenager. Tokyo Toni, grandmother to Rob Kardashian's daughter, Dream, stated in a social media post that Kim Kardashian cleared Ye's debt for him because she loved him.
Ye, another man who would never be considered handsome by societal standards, always wanted to be a part of the Kardashian family. Even though he's not physically appealing on society's level, he got the woman he wanted. Jay-Z gets Beyonce, Diddy gets Cassie, LeBron James gets Savannah, Shannon Sharpe gets his 19-year-old, and so on.
We can't honestly and collectively say that these men get these beautiful women only because they're famous and have money. We see it every day in our environments--beautiful women with unattractive, working-class men.
We care about women's character and physical appearance, while we accept men for who they are. If this sounds more familiar to Black women, it should. Black men accept White women for who they are. Their Whiteness makes them good enough as they are, which is why I encourage Black women to date outside their race.
And, because women seem to be uninterested in men's physical appearance and, most importantly, their character, this brings us back to the latest unattractive industry predator, former NFL star and content creator, Shannon Sharpe.
If you don't believe that what we have taught our daughters about men's attractiveness being a persnickety detail has nothing to do with how men treat them, take some time to think about the men, as mentioned earlier, and how they look. Think about their behavior. The more egregious they look, the worse they seem to be to women. Dating these kinds of men is as much about the self-hating man as it is about the self-hating women who love them.
